The Hidden Language
Mastering Intercultural Communication in Our Connected World
The Paradox of Universal Gestures
To some of you, this gesture means "great," "keep going," or something positive to that effect. To others, it means "up yours." And to many, it simply represents the number one. So many options—but what does this gesture really mean?
Here's the thing: like Schrödinger's cat, it can mean all of those things and none of those things at the same time. It all depends on the worldview of the observer.
In our Western society, the thumbs up gesture generally means something positive—I like it, great, keep going. But in several other cultures, especially in West Africa and the Middle East, the same gesture has extremely rude connotations. It's used the same way the middle finger is used here. It basically means "up yours."
In Germany, Hungary, and several other European countries, the gesture represents the number one, while in Japan it represents the number five. In ancient Rome, where the gesture originates, it was used to decide whether the gladiator in the arena should live or die.
What we can say is that even such a seemingly simple and unambiguous hand gesture is highly context dependent. And the same is true for words and phrases, which often have vastly different meanings in different languages and cultures.
A Personal Lesson in Lost Translation
The "Good for You" Incident
When I was 18 years old, after finishing college in Nelson, I set off on my OE (Overseas Experience), like so many of us do. I headed straight to Europe and traveled around France, Greece, Croatia, Italy, and Germany.
What struck me was how easy it was to get by with English. Seemingly everywhere I went, people spoke and understood English, even if just a little. It made it so much easier to get by as a clueless teenager in foreign lands and foreign cultures—or so I thought, until one day I had a very awkward encounter.
I had just gotten a job at a restaurant in Germany after months of hunting for work, and I desperately wanted to make a good impression on my colleagues. As we sat together over a few drinks after work one day, a senior colleague told me that she'd just scored a promotion. She was visibly excited, and I was genuinely happy for her.
I said to her, "Good for you!"
But instead of a smile and a thank you, she turned away and proceeded to give me the cold shoulder for the next week. I was so confused! Why was she sharing joyous news with me one moment and completely ignoring me the next?
As I vented my frustration to a German friend of mine, she laughed and told me that the German translation of "Good for You"—"Schön für dich"—is a snarky and sarcastic remark, implying jealousy and begrudging of another's success. Clearly that's not what I meant, but those are the connotations my colleague associated with my remark.
The Communication Code
It wasn't until many years later, when I studied geography, linguistics, and translation at university, that I started to grasp the real issue. I realized that meaning gets lost in translation because of cultural differences.
Even if two people are both speaking English—like my colleague and I at the restaurant—different cultural backgrounds can lead to severe miscommunication.
Think of it this way: language allows us to encode and decode meaning. But to crack the code, we need a shared set of pre-existing concepts. Many of these concepts are passed down to us from our culture and ultimately shape our worldview. The lack of a shared worldview is what makes intercultural communication so difficult.
When Business Deals Hang in the Balance
The Chinese-American Business Dinner
An American company selling high-end tech products was looking to break into the Chinese market. Talks and negotiations had been going well with a potential buyer, and the Americans considered it a done deal. To celebrate, they invited the Chinese delegation out for dinner at a fine local restaurant.
As the Chinese delegation arrived, the head of the delegation was greeted by a junior member of the US team. The Chinese delegate asked the American where he should sit, to which he was told, "Sit where you like."
The next day, the Chinese delegation left the US without signing the contract. Days later, the American team received word that the Chinese had felt humiliated and were reconsidering the business relationship.
What had happened? It was another cultural misunderstanding. In Chinese culture, hierarchy is really important, whereas in American culture, displays of hierarchy aren't culturally comfortable. When the head of the Chinese delegation was only greeted by a junior member of the US team rather than the most senior, he immediately felt a loss of face. Then, to add insult to injury, he was told to sit anywhere, when ideally he should have been given a seat at the head of the table next to the most senior member of the US team.
This cultural misunderstanding led to an eight-month delay in signing the contract and almost cost them the business deal.
The Communication Toolkit
So how can we prevent these kinds of invisible misunderstandings in intercultural communication? It all starts with our ability to see the world through different eyes, to shift our perspectives, to overcome our bias, and to recognize that we need a shared basis of understanding to crack the code of meaningful communication.
Our Communication Tools
- Verbal Communication: Our language—what we say. It works its magic only to the extent that it is shared by the speaker and the listener.
- Nonverbal Communication: Body language, gestures, personal space, attitudes toward hierarchy—anything that conveys meaning beyond words.
Questions to Consider:
Is it acceptable to point at someone? What are the implications of bad posture? How much eye or body contact is appropriate? Do certain gestures mean the same thing in your culture as in theirs? What about personal space—how close should you stand to the other person?
Basically, anything that you consider normal behavior is likely to be anything but normal in a different country or culture.
Practical Steps for Better Communication
Adapt Your Communication Style
- Use simpler language when needed
- Avoid jargon and potentially confusing idioms
- Paraphrase, repeat, or tell a story—the power of stories is universal
- Ask clarifying questions
- Approach situations with curiosity and an open mind
Often, if we approach a situation with curiosity and an open mind, we find ourselves blown away by the multifaceted diversity that makes up the human race.
Becoming Better Global Citizens
It's up to each of us to recognize our own often subconscious lens of cultural norms and biases, to realize that we all have them, and to understand how they affect our personal preconceptions and our communication.
If we all learn to make better use of our communication toolkit, we can avoid misunderstandings. We can avoid making people feel left out or even offended by our unintentional ignorance. That way, we can all take responsibility for positive change.
Ultimately, more effective communication leads to more productive collaboration and better relationships between countries, organizations, and individuals. Instead of just talking to or at each other, we can actually end up on the same page.
If we can all learn to see the world through each other's eyes, we will be less likely to discriminate and marginalize, less likely to focus on what sets us apart, and more interested in what we can learn from each other.